2011

Just a self note - don't think anyone reads this blog nowadays, so...

I have to use this year to get a good O level cert. Nothing short of straight A1s.
I will get my scholarship back.
When I get into JC, I'll stop being passive-aggressive and open up to people more. At least I'll TRY. OKAY.
I am going to take responsibility for my life.
...
...
...
...I am going to take responsibility for my life.

I was born in December 1994; 10 days from 1995 anyway...
Somehow I feel a lot more at ease now...

I'll miss the batch of 1994...thank you for teaching me life lessons I will not ever forget...

NEW YEAR NEW START OKAY. GROW UP YOU'RE ALREADY SIXTEEN NO ONE'S GOING TO PITY YOU IF YOU PITY YOURSELF.

I should probably go learn some musical instrument to curb my explosive tendencies soon.

Screw that, mug math/physics gogogo

when someone needs help

he doesn't beg for it

when they cry

the chee
spoke to him
wont do him any good if he was oblivious
bleh

dont know whether it was good or bad
or what he'll think
but who cares

if he spent 1 hour thinking about it, then i have effectively wasted his time.

because i don't think these things need to be thought upon

what we are meant to know and do
we will
what we are not
should never be pursued


stoic, adamant, decisive, determined and unyielding
irresponsible, uncommitted, explosive (i kid you not), obtrusive and antisocial


i bask in the freedom that comes with unshackling the chains of responsibility

i take pride in being steadfast in everything

i adore the adrenaline rage and anger can bring

i dual wield my morals

and i love being myself




tomorrow: chem test
the facerolling begins

CCA

the only thing solved as of now

no seriously, why do i even bother with math.
i'll probably look back a few years later and blame this on hormones, but still

sigh

知らないはずの温もり

thanks to all you guys in huagang,....that should have been the way huagang is, like it was in sec1, sec2 and sec3...

i'm really grateful to everyone for making friday such a memorable day even though nothing special happened...i just feel everything's come back once the place i once called my second home ceased to be an everlasting flow of commitments, responsibilites and blame...

every batch, someone has to suffer for the rest and take up the mantle of being the exco
and while they might be smiling and laughing on the surface, let it be known that they are working for the sake of all the other members
in order to bring the others happiness, it is vital there is someone there to lead the pack

even though i did not do much and avoided reality for almost my whole term in the exco, i think the rest have really tried hard for what was supposed to be our cause

we were an amalgamation of flawed individuals trying to continue the path carved into our lives
whether we did much, it is up to the rest to decide

but that does not matter now

for the future batches, please realize
a simple thank you to any of them, telling them that the activites for the day was really fun

will light up the candle in their hearts
please continue to support them
and ignite their passion to uphold what they stand for

because i believe they are the reason why we continue to find joy in attending practices
in coming to a black box resonating with the joys, cries, happiness and sadness of fellow comrades

personally, i hate paperwork, planning and leading, and only resort to settling matters by these means if it really calls for it

however, making props, stock-checking makeup, praticing for performances with friends (OTC, TKK, Laorenyuan, Xiangsheng, etc.....those I can bring to mind, i thank you...kerry, jingcheng, xinrui, yihai...all the way back to when boey trained a certain 6 of us for the OTC play...that is what i live for

some people find joy through work and execution of plans
and detest people whom don't have a good sense of responsibility and commitment

i have no intention to refute that, i for one, am not the kind to commit to causes, even causes of my own
what commitment and responsibility i had were all used up in my primary school years
a frenzied passion for studies and to be the best
that was who i was
and that was what i grew to dislike

oddly
i find joy through the happy times when we have saturday morning practices when grinding perfection for a play or a performance
i feel the mundane, however mundane it may be, emanates a serenity that is unparalleled


even though that is no more now





let me enjoy these last few months in tranquil
and erase my regret with your warmth

i believe these scars will heal someday....

problemproblemsomgproblems

i lol'd when people suggest keeping away from depressed people is the best thing to do
don't think i'll ever be a ball of happiness ever again

then again, that isn't so bad :)


無責任だと言われても、僕は変わらない。

ride the wind and live
let's just try this, shall we

<1.5 FACEROLL 2 MORE MONTHS LET'S JUST FUCKING FACEROLL EVERYONE AND LAUGH IT ALL OFF

leadership
portfolio
'friends'   (fel, gen, juni, jiayi, hc, ....err anyone else that still reads this? D: chill lol you guys are the best)
facebook
mental asplosion
sense of belonging
cca
duty
commitment
responsibility
respect


bring back the me 4 years ago

impulse

perhaps I ask too much of this world

of others
of friends
of fair-weather friends
of people who sit on the fence
of parents

and of myself

who was the kid
getting 297/300 from primary one to three
was admired by everyone, recognized as a model
and subsequently, got into the GEP, said to be the 'top 500' in every batch

why did he hear
"you guys are here for a reason. you're the best of the batch, and we expect no less from you"
with those words, nothing could stop him
challenge after challenge he overcame

when was the time
he heard his score was 278
and he smiled.
at the idea that nothing could stop him from achieving what he had to do

what has become of him now

a hollow shell
an escapist
a doormat
a cripple

from a cheerful, rule-abiding, goody-two-shoes
to a cynical, false, emotionally unstable person subject to ax crazy tendencies

Pretty much this.

wonder how i even got here in the first place